Keepin’on keepin’on

Arghh! Oh my God!! Christmas is fast approaching. I always worry I’m going to be ill and
it’ll be a disaster. So much packed into such a short time and you need to be on top to manage
it all. So big pressure. What makes it more difficult than usual is that my parents are moving
house in a week and half. They are moving out of the city and into the country. I will no
longer be able to walk over there, so I’ll need picking up and traffic where I live is pretty
busy especially close to Christmas. The new house will be a change and a challenge but
having seen the house once I think it is going to be relaxing and cosy. It also means we can
all stay for Christmas, me, my brother, sister-in- law and niece. This is daunting. I have a
bedroom to escape to but it strikes me it is going to be full on. We are going out for
Christmas lunch which is a mega stress but as mum always says “you don’t have to eat
anything”. Present wise I’m pretty sorted having raided Boots a few weeks ago. I just need
odds and ends now which I’ll pick up in mid-December.

This week I think the head of outreach from Mildenhall NAS is coming to see how things are
going with my carers. I don’t know if it is Tuesday and he will be accompanying me on a
round of golf or Wednesday when he might find himself doing some light cleaning!! I’m
trying to work out what to say to him. I think the best thing is honesty and the brutal truth,
since I feel my life is deteriorating. I wish, at the moment, I could curl up in bed and just stay
there, but one has to keep going. My parents also have a “carers’ assessment” on Friday. I’m
not sure what will come from that since they seem to happen then nothing happens. I’m also
waiting on some kind of assessment to work out how best to go forward and basically what
can be done.

Today I’m particularly nervous because my hot water gave in yesterday and to fix it you have
to go into the bin store which is horrible. I’m scared of all the germs I could have picked up,
my stomach is already complaining. This was on top of the fact that my bathroom light bulb
failed on Friday. So I had my parents round both days trying to fix it. We did manage but in
terms of stress the damage is done. I think I have till Wednesday before I can give myself the
all clear and then to top it all off I’ve got the doctors on Friday and more germs. Eating has
also become more nerve wracking because I’m convinced I’ve poisoned myself too. This
makes evenings in particular very stressful. – Man! Life is complex! I don’t know how to
manage but at the moment I’m just, and only just, getting by.

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